I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
