I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
