we have pet lesbian snakes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
