8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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