sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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