Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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