he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
