Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
