Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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