I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
