and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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