the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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