if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
