my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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