can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
