i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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