He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
