plz talk dirty to me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize