i think i have herpe
just one?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
