Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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