idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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