Porn is love you can see.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
