...so i touched it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
