god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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