i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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