I'm drive I can fine osifer
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
