come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
