I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
