so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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