Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
