You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
