We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The beer is more important than you right now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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