i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
time to smoke my breakfast
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
