Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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