You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
