i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize