The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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