Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
