Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
