I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
