I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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