ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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