try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
