it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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