She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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