did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize