we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
