my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
