My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize