You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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