He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
