Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
