I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
