I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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