I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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