dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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