ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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