It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
