Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
