the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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