i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
