I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
