Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
