I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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