I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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