I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
