OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
