Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Enjoy the penises
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
