Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
