I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
