she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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