You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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