Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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